By Huy Huynh
Looking back on my last school year, I can now see there were some places where my work had become stale, stagnant, and routine. Having been in this position for over ten years, I was able to run some programs and retreats on autopilot. However, the danger of being complacent became clear during my last retreat of the year.
I was unsure of whether or not I wanted to write about this. Would it be a poor reflection of my ministry, my workplace or, in general, me as a person? The more I thought and prayed on it, the more I believed that at least some of you would be able to relate. So here it is.
It was a retreat that I had created and run many times. However, this time it would be different because two other high schools were joining us. I made some adjustments to involve the other schools but, in large, kept the program the same. I think the retreat was fun, relaxing, and valuable to some degree, for all the students. However, as the retreat finished, I knew that I had missed the mark. I had used a program that was planned for my students. I forgot to start with the “who.” Who was I ministering to? Where were all of these students coming from? What were their needs? In short, how could I meet them where they are?
What had led to this complacency? I have come up with a few ideas.
Having run these programs so many times, I could treat these programs like a formula. I lost sight of the fact that the variables are always changing. The students and leaders are always different. Their chemistry and the spirit of the retreat is always different. The context, or what is happening in our lives is different. No program, class, or retreat is really the same and I tried to make it that.
There was something else that was different. Me. There had been so many changes in my personal life. My second child was just born a few months before and my daughter had just turned two. While, for me, becoming a parent has often felt like the best thing that has ever happened in my life, it has also changed everything. There is more to balance. More to do. More to take care of. More to love.
I can also say parenting is ALL consuming. It has taken up so much time, energy, and attention. There is more worry and more gray hairs. There is less sleep and less time for relaxing. It can seem like there is no time for hobbies, personal care or my own spiritual wellness. There are few opportunities to go for a run, go hiking, read, be silent, pray or go on a personal retreat.
But being a father is not all sleepless nights and busy days. It has also enriched my life in so many ways. It has helped me to remember that everyone was someone’s little baby, everyone is a child of God. It has helped me to learn to trust my instincts. I have had to learn how to be more flexible and ready to reset when things don’t go according to plan.
I think that last year I was so consumed by trying to manage the busyness of family and worklife, that I allowed myself to become stagnant at work. But this year, instead of seeing my role as a parent as taking away from the energy I could give to my work, I was able instead to notice all the ways that this can enrich my work and faith life.
With this new perspective, I felt different coming back to school. Something shifted. It did not feel like just another school year. Rather, it felt like a new school year with new students and new possibilities. I engaged my work with a sense of openness, freedom, and creativity. I started with the questions of who am I serving, what is our goal, how do we get there, and how is God in this? I have loosened my grips on planned agendas and programs to leave space for new ideas from students, co-workers, myself, and of course the Holy Spirit. My ministry has felt alive and fulfilling.
And so what has changed? Perhaps it was the humbling experience of a tough retreat that woke me up. Perhaps it was finding more confidence, peace, and trust in my role as a father. Perhaps it was being more intentional about making the time to take care of my mind, body, and spiritual life.
In all of this, the thing that has surprised me most, is my comfort with the lack of balance and my imperfection. In my younger years, I would have spent so much time beating myself up for not running a “perfect” program. There is nothing like parenting to remind you that “perfect” is just not possible. I can only give what I have to give and that has to be enough.
I wonder if anyone can relate to this. Have you experienced these different seasons of your ministry, your personal life, and your spiritual life? How do you see them connecting or affecting each other? How have you made peace with imperfection?
Huy Huynh is a campus minister at a Catholic high school in the Boston area.